Baby Update! Drama not Mama!

I had my doctor's appointment a couple of weeks ago. The doctor heard my heart beat and told me I'm healthy. Hearing her tell me the reason I've been bleeding for months made what I already knew all too real. It's difficult to think what once was growing inside of me is no more.

I'm not starting to show, I never have and try my best not to think "I never will." I still have stretch marks, but they were there before and they'll probably be around forever, so I might as well make friends with them. When people ask if I'm pregnant I tell them "No, I'm just fat."

I love that other people's bodies work exactly how God intended, but I think he gave me a reject. Either God has a "No return" policy or my parents must have lost the receipt because they say I can't take this one back and get a refund. I'd even settle for an upgrade on the old one! Come on, can't I catch a break?

So I guess what I'm saying is the update is, there is no update!

I did in fact go to the doctor and found out for certain that I miscarried in November. I have a theory and my doctor tends to agree, that I probably lost the pregnancy around the first week of November after a raging kidney infection and subsequent 104 degree fever that lasted 4 days. Perhaps you find it flippant how I mention this off the cuff, as if this experience weren't traumatic at all. I've done my fair share of being angry and crying and a once ragged hole has now been over-filled with numbness. Thank goodness for mood stabilizing drugs! When I told Heavenly the news, or the confirmed news, he responded optimistically and in his true fashion "Don't take this the wrong way, but at least we know we're doing something right!"

My doctor and I wasted no time deciding what needed to be done. After a quick check to be sure I wasn't by some freaky coincidence still in fact pregnant, we got down to the business of talking options. We had batted around the idea of starting a regimen of Clomid to help in the baby-making process, and I felt like it was finally time to hop on that train. I went home with orders for blood tests, an ultrasound and several new prescriptions. I walked out of the office feeling like my head was spinning from all of the information and instructions I was given.

Who knew how hard it was to get pregnant? I hope those who are blessed with getting pregnant easily will acknowledge how lucky they are and quit tossing around the word "infertility" so lightly.

Still more drama to follow...