What dreams may come

Saturday I took the last of five pills in my first round of Clomid. The adverse side effects I experienced I attributed to the period from Hell, not necessarily from the medication itself. Out of control emotions have become a constant companion in our household. I worried my "it can't get much worse than it already is" attitude could easily have been too optimistic. Instead I felt more normal than I have in months.

When you're faced with infertility, becoming pregnant consumes your thoughts. The idea is entertained in my mind so often that it has become a frequent subject of my dreams. Last night I dreamed I gave birth to twins, two beautiful healthy little boys. I woke up in a sweat realizing that Clomid makes the likelihood of multiple births all too possible and I only have one name picked out for a boy. Ideally if I give birth to twins I would love to get one of each and have our family be complete. But we don't live in an ideal world, if we did I wouldn't need fertility drugs and so many of my dear friends would be lamenting over full diapers, not empty arms.

So even though it's much too early, I'm trying to come up with a name for a second boy. Perhaps it will set my set my mind at ease, if only in my dreams.