Faith in the Lord, means faith in His timing - Neal A. Maxwell

Patience must be a virtue Heavenly Father still wants me to learn, because I feel like he's made me wait for everything. I found out when I had to wait til I was 25 to marry Heavenly, just how lucky I was that I didn't marry any of those dumb boys I thought would make me happy. I realized that my Father in Heaven knew a lot more about true happiness than I ever did. I look at myself before I met Heavenly and wonder "How on earth did I ever think I was happy?"

You'd think this experience alone would make me realize Heavenly Father might know a thing or two about what is best for me.

Then Ben and I started trying to have a baby. I never had any misgivings about getting pregnant, I didn't think it would happen overnight. The "trying" itself isn't half bad. But 15 months later and still nothing. Oh, we've had times when we thought we were, but still nothing. The last time I was sick every morning, and most of the day, everything hurt more, smells that normally didn't phase me made my stomach churn. I wanted to wait a couple of weeks, at least a week (let's face it I'm not the most patient person) to be sure. But then I got a UTI which wouldn't be a big deal, except it was followed by a kidney infection and a raging fever of 104 degrees for 3 days. After that, no more being sick in the morning. And then the spotting and the bleeding for weeks.

Before I got married it was "Why aren't you married yet?" or "I'll bet you're sad because your younger brother is getting married before you." Now, everywhere I turn someone is asking "When are you and Heavenly going to have kids?" "You don't have any kids yet?" Like it's a crime in Utah to be married for more than a year without getting pregnant. Why do people ask that? Have people become so insensitive that they no longer consider how questions like these might affect a person?

I know people who have been married less time than I've been trying who are already pregnant. And I've heard people trying half as long complain because everyone around them is pregnant, when it's really not the case, and all along they were pregnant anyway. I should be sympathetic, other people have tried much longer than we have and been told it would never happen.

I go to the doctor next week, I guess I'll be talking to her about my irregularity and getting back on the pill. But it makes me sad, like I'm giving up or finally admitting I can't get pregnant so why try? I'm sure some of you have felt the same as me, and many of you have experienced this and more. I know I'm one in a group of many women facing the same issues, many I know are much stronger than I. I feel blessed to know them.