Happy Un-Mother's Day!

I thought I hated Valentine's Day when I was single, but I've come to realize that Single Awareness Day was never as difficult as the Un-Mother's Day I'll be having tomorrow.

Every Mother's Day my church has a small gift for all of the mothers in the ward. Not wanting anyone to feel left out they include all women 18 years old and older. I've always hated this, always, even when I wasn't married and fighting with infertility. When I stood up I could feel the stares of others upon me as if to say "You're not a mother." Of course these curious glances were innocent eyes stopping at the face of each standing woman as they wandered around the congregation. Innocent or not, I could not escape the way they seared into my soul and made me feel completely inadequate as a woman.

Tomorrow if I wake up early enough after my grave yard shift to go to church, I will encounter similar inquiring eyes. Except in this "multiply and replenish the earth" community that is the Mormon church, I feel much more pressure to be a mother than I would receive from the outside world. Outside of Utah it is perfectly acceptable for a couple to be married 2 years without having a child, and perfectly acceptable for me to be working instead of being at home raising children. In fact the only thing the outside world might find odd about my marriage is that even though I married at the ripe old age of 25, it's still much younger than many outside of Utah choose to get married.

I'm certain you mean well with your well wishes and words of encouragement, and I'm not sure how to gracefully accept them and still tactfully tell everyone that I'd rather not have any of it. A kind word of encouragement to you may buoy you up, a card may wish you well. I'm not a mother and I'd really rather not be reminded of that fact. What works to comfort you does not work for me. Please don't offer to have the baby for me, it seems very generous to you, to me it is a reminder that not only can you have your own children, but you can have mine for me too.

I'm grateful for a mother-in-law who brought up a son who is gentle and kind, caring and compassionate. For teaching him hard work, responsibility and selfless service. I'm grateful to my mother-in-law for teaching her son to respect women and treat them properly and most of all to love me fiercely and unconditionally.

I'm grateful for a mother who, when it comes to me, has always celebrated this day with great sensitivity. Her presents and cards have always reflected on my worth as a daughter and gratitude for making her a mother and making her role as a mother easier.