Next time, how about a big NEON sign with flashing lights?

Heavenly and I did something very adult and very scary tonight. We put an offer on a house, our very first house. I'm a little bit of everything (excited, nervous, settled and terrified) all rolled into one. I thought making a decision to buy our first car was difficult enough and it was about 10 times cheaper than a house!

We talked about it and thought about it, we prayed about it and stewed about it, we went to the temple to serve others and hoped for answers to our questions. I didn't feel at all settled after the temple, I felt peaceful like I always do after I leave the temple. I just didn't feel like I got a concrete answer from my Heavenly Father. At least not the kind of answer I was looking for. I wanted a solid "Yes" or "No," seriously I would have settled for "Not right now." I just didn't feel like I got any of that. My real estate agent, who is also my cousin and has been excellent to work with us, called a couple of times to find out if we'd decided anything. He told me to pray hard and that it never hurts to "sleep on it." I just didn't know how long he'd wait for me to make a decision and I didn't want to make a decision if I wasn't getting an answer from Heavenly Father because I didn't want to give the wrong one.

I added up our monthly income and subtracted all of our bills, even factoring in tithing, groceries and gas for the car. Having it all in black and white helped me to see if we could really do this. Heavenly shook his head a lot, but didn't say much other than that. I didn't know if he thought what I came up with meant we could afford it or if we should keep looking. (Men are so annoying sometimes!) Yesterday I was talking to my sister Haha, and told her about my findings. I told her we still have money left over every month after gas and bills and food. She was much more positive and said that it sounded great, that we could easily do it. (I don't know about easily, but I appreciated her enthusiasm.)

After talking to Heavenly about Haha's reaction, he told me that's how he felt too he just hadn't said anything. (See what I mean about how annoying men can be?) So I called Brandon and told him the decision we'd come up with, that we'd like to put an offer on the house.

As soon as I made the decision and said it out loud I felt the wave of relief and positive assurance I'd been waiting for. Sometimes our Father in Heaven doesn't tell us "yes" and he doesn't tell us "no," and he doesn't even tell us "not right now." Sometimes he allows us to make a decision for ourselves and then he tells us whether that decision was the correct one. Our Father in Heaven helps us to grow by allowing us to make our own decisions and then rewards us with warm fuzzies afterward.

I appreciate the opportunities God gives me to learn and grow by testing my faith, but next time I wouldn't mind a great big NEON sign with flashing lights! (Just once.)